'Go get daddy a beer,' and other great advice for dads

La Prensa de San Antonio.- Father's Day means Bud Light and bad ties, barbecue and gift certificates to all-you-can-eat buffets. This year Father's Day falls on the eve of the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. That's just over 14 hours of sunlight--perfect for gently swaying on the old hammock, if only someone would install it. World Cup soccer is on the television and summer blockbusters are in the theaters. In short, Father's Day means guilt-free relaxation.

A word of wisdom for young dads: women dig men who take care of their kids. I can't tell you how many times I have heard something along the lines of: "I think it's really great what you're doing," or "Your son is lucky to have a dad like you."

These lines inevitably come from the ladies--men don’t say stuff like that--when they hear I am raising my son Marcelo alone.
 

I accept the compliments, but in my head I replay the last argument; the one where I lost my temper because he kept flitching while we were playing catch. Well, flitching doesn't really describe it.

I would throw the ball and he would raise his glove hand in the air at a 45 degree angle and wrap his other arm around his head and shut his eyes as if I was shining a poacher's light in his face.
A word of wisdom for young catchers: always keep your eye on the ball.

A word of wisdom for young dads teaching young catchers: always keep your eye on the ball. A child you berated for being scared of a baseball will beam you in the back of the head with said baseball the moment you turn to check out that jogger in the short shorts.
 

A word of warning: children aren't as scared of their fathers as they used to be. I blame animals in clothing. Okay, I guess you can't really blame them. I blame the people who dress their animals in clothing.

Nowadays, dogs wear clothes and protective footwear and go to salons and go to the vet for gout treatments. Children see this and think, "Well, if the dog's got rights, maybe I got rights, too." Next stop anarchy and baseballs to the back of the head.
 

A word of wisdom to young ladies on the verge of complimenting single dads: wait to see how he reacts after taking a fastball to the ear, or how he handles the but- I-already-took-a-bath-this-week meltdown, or how he bangs his head into his desk in time with the metronome as he listens to his son massacre "Simples Gifts" on the cello for the tenth time that day before giving the single dad that compliment.

A word of wisdom for new parents considering music lessons: do not choose the cello. It is big and cumbersome and you will have to carry it, not your kid. And, although it is one of the most beautiful instruments in the world in the capable hands of a professional, in the carney-like hands of a novice the cello sounds like a cross between a dying hippo and a mortally wounded music scholarship.

A word of wisdom for single fathers: you are not alone. Despite the complete lack of literature on the subject, we are many. There's nothing abnormal about raising your child. What's abnormal is being any good at it.

But we do our best. We share what little we have and what little we know and when we make a mistake we acknowledge it and move on to the next miniature disaster.
We are imperfect, but we are there and we are learning. So next time we'll duck.

Finally: a simple hug will solve many, many problems. Corny, but true. A child acts out because he wants attention? Hug him. A child screams because he's not getting his way? Hug him. A child sasses you in front of his friends? Hug him (It can work as a punishment, too.)

And for the kids: A hug works both ways, a dad is chasing you around the park because you just beamed him with a baseball? Hug him. A dad is crying over the $40-a-week he spends on cello lessons? Hug him.

Kids hug your dads and dads hug your kids and everybody have a great Father's Day.