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I have MAN[y] Issues Volver a "I have MAN[y] Issues"

Fast-food (the gateway food)

By Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr. | 12 de enero de 2012

Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr. is La Prensa's resident Writer-at-large with many of his own MAN issues. Follow his column as his shares his tales of success, his failures, insecurities, unique views on life and occasional rants.

S.A. .- Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr. is La Prensa's resident Writer-at-large with many of his own MAN issues. Follow his column as his shares his tales of success, his failures, insecurities, unique views on life and occasional rants.

By Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr
dayotte@laprensasa.com

I hate that clichés are too often, true.

“Don’t bite off more than you can chew.” True both in its literal and metaphorical sense.

“You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” Doesn’t make much literal sense but apply it to women and you’ll most likely end up with your tires slashed or car keyed.

“If ain’t broke don’t fix it.” Simple yet men don’t get it. We always want bigger or better but it usually ends with either spending more money than anticipated or looking like an idiot.

Most recently, the cliché that has come to light as one of the many truths of life is “The hard part is not losing the weight it’s keeping it off.”

This doesn’t pertain to anything else but being fat (or once being fat), losing weight then gaining some back. If you’ve been overweight then lost a bunch of weight to only gain some back you know what I mean.

All of sudden cheeseburgers are calling your name and sodas seem to be more accessible than water (and cheaper). The late-night food runs you once avoided become routine again and somehow boxes of not so healthy snacks ninja’d there way back into your pantry.

I can’t blame corporate America for their clever advertising because “I’m lovin’ it” and want to a have it “my way” while thinking “outside the bun” and gathering around the good stuff because “it’ so finger lickin’ good.”

Sometimes I can’t help it and that’s what’s led to the inflation of my stomach. Surprisingly my face and chin have remained intact, but they’re next if I don’t put down the drumstick and hit the pavement to burn some calories. If not, I’m going to blow up (and not in a good way).

I went a solid year without fast-food, but like I said one day it was calling my name. ‘Dennis, psssst...Dennis eat just one…I miss you, please eat me.’

Disturbing, yes. But, before I knew it I blacked out and ordered a feast of dollar-menu items. A couple cheeseburgers, fries, chicken nuggets and a soda to wash it all down, all for $5—seems like a no-brainer until I started to get “dollar menu remorse.”

“Dollar menu remorse” is a newly found disorder most commonly occurring in broke college students, people born after 1981 and some adults. It’s all good when you’re shouting your order into the squawk box, but once you’re done eating and start thinking of calories it’s all downhill from there.

As it has been for me, I’ve been a solid nine-month fast-food binge dominating dollar menus around town slowly heading toward my physical demise. I think I’m gradually curving my appetite for fast-food but the damage has been done. I’m certain I will never completely be able to avoid fast-food, but limiting myself is going to be the key to maintaining a healthy weight.

For now...I'm just fat. 

If you have your own MAN issues you’d like La Prensa’s writer-at-large to tackle email dennisayottejr@gmail.com. If can tolerate him feel free to follow or friend him.

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