Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr. is La Prensa's resident Writer-at-large with many of his own MAN issues. Follow his column as his shares his tales of success, his failures, insecurities, unique views on life and occasional rants.
S.A..- Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr. is La Prensa's resident Writer-at-large with many of his own MAN issues. Follow his column as his shares his tales of success, his failures, insecurities, unique views on life and occasional rants.
By Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr
At one point in life we all wish we could disappear. No matter how awesome your life is there was that one time in elementary school you pooped your pants, left an embarrassing message during one of your drunk-dials or made out with the “grenade” while your friends reaped the benefits of the hotter friends.
Sometimes we want to disappear for different reasons—your job sucks, the last girlfriend you had was 10 years ago and you still play WoW or you simply just want a break. Life is crazy and having a release or opportunity to, is huge. I’ve worked two jobs for so long now it’s normal to me.
The past four years it’s been work, school, then work again. I really don’t have a choice because I make less money than the bum panhandling on the corner (he drives a Lexus). My motivation isn’t money. The necessity to have to work two jobs in order to do what I love is.
Being a writer doesn’t pay well (at all), but as I tell everyone, “it’s not the money it’s the access.” The access I have that the average person doesn’t. In the past year I’ve interviewed Dan Rather, made it on ESPN at the NCAA Final Four and have screened a bazillion movies for free. The average person doesn’t get to do these things, but fortunately I do..
There is no glamour involved, and I’d be lying if I didn’t crave the limelight in some capacity. That’s why every one of my articles has a byline and this column has a photo attached to it. If someone reads my article and sends me an email (good or bad) there is a sense of accomplishment—a sense that people actually notice and acknowledge my work.
Which brings me back to my point of disappearing—would anyone actually notice? My immediate friends and co-workers would of course but beyond them, who else? I figure no one. I’d become lost and forgotten. This strangely, is something I sometimes desire, despite my talk of wanting to be famous and marrying Rihanna. Life sometimes is just too much and I want to toss my cell phone, pack a bag, hop on a boat and end up in some foreign country where no one knows me.
However, I know this is not possible because no one gets on boats anymore to leave the country, and I’m not that crazy. I’m a dreamer though. I know this is contradictory to the field I work in and philosophy I live by but who cares.
Sometimes it’s good to go against the grain to bring yourself back to reality. I think in order to grasp your own reality you need to experience something that is not your reality. So, it’s not so much disappearing as it is understanding what you have and that you can’t crap your pants in public.