Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr. is La Prensa's resident Writer-at-large with many of his own MAN issues. Follow his column as his shares his tales of success, his failures, insecurities, unique views on life and occasional rants.
S.A..- Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr. is La Prensa's resident Writer-at-large with many of his own MAN issues. Follow his column as his shares his tales of success, his failures, insecurities, unique views on life and occasional rants.
By Dennis M. Ayotte, Jr
Her: Owns a house, drives a Lexus and earns 70K plus at her cushy job with full medical benefits. She has two college degrees and every summer she goes to Africa to help African students learn English and build fresh water wells. On the weekends she likes to spend time working on her garden and volunteering help build houses with Habitat for Humanity. And every Sunday she goes to church where she sings in the choir and volunteers as a youth pastor.
Me: Rent an apartment with a roommate, drive a two-door Focus (power locks might I add) and earn half she does as an aspiring writer in a medium that’s dying. I have no college degree; the closest I’ve been to Africa is the Discovery Channel and my summers consist of days at work and hanging out poolside. My weekends consist of a violent amount of debauchery, sleeping in with my dog and sporadic unplanned trips to Austin. And every Sunday I spend the day recovering from the abuse my liver took, singing Garth Brooks poolside while volunteering to make the next round of mimosas.
They say opposites attract… We are like night and day; love and hate; North Korea and the US—total opposites, but can I get over the intimidating fact that she is a single independent woman who is a “baller” and could win an award for humanitarian of the year. While I have less than “baller” status and the last award I won was in elementary when I received the Jesse Owens achievement award.
Clearly we are polar opposites, but we have something going. But—can this work? I’m nowhere on the level she’s on financially nor can I compete with her having never have left the United States, let alone to help someone else in need (I don’t even have a passport). All of this is intimidating no doubt and if a guy tells you it’s not he’s a liar. Even when you know a woman makes more money than you it’s intimidating. We feel like we’re not living up to the standards set by our fathers.
According to what or culture has led us to believe men are supposed to be the bread winners and take action to protect the ones they love. It’s a recipe for failure and a rude awakening. Its 2011, women are smarter (than us) and are taking over the corporate world (somewhat). This makes me (and you) feel insecure like I’m doing something wrong, and I’m not worthy enough to be with her.
It’s sick but true.
I should be the one making fat stacks of cash, owning a house and cruising in a Range Rover, but I’m not. I’m the guy who makes a half-way decent salary, likes to spend times with his friends and cruise in my Focus. If I let myself get caught up in the fact that she does well and I will never be able to compete with that—consider it over. My insecurities will get the best of me and I will turn into “that guy” who she gossips to all her friends saying “he’s got problems.” So, for every guy out there put your pride on the shelf and just enjoy her company. There is no need to worry about your bank account because most likely she could care less.